


less is more

by neobionic



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Body Image, Friends With Benefits, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Micropenis, Self-Esteem Issues, Unrequited Love, jaehyun has a tiny dong, jaehyun should prob get therapy, yuta is kinda selfish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:21:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28521558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neobionic/pseuds/neobionic
Summary: yuta finds out about jaehyun's Problem and decides to help him with it.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Nakamoto Yuta
Comments: 14
Kudos: 59





	less is more

**Author's Note:**

> this started in one way and ended in a very different way

jung jaehyun has it all - money, looks, brains, a great body. he got into his first choice of major at a prestigious university, getting stellar grades left and right. ambitious, polite, caring; he’s obviously popular with the ladies. but yet, he doesn’t date, doesn’t sleep around. to yuta’s knowledge - has never even been with a girl.

“maybe he’s ace or something,” doyoung says when yuta points out this peculiarity. “maybe he’s just not interested in relationships. it’s a thing, you know.”

could be, but yuta doubts it, judging by the amount of times they’ve sucked face on a couch or a bed or against a wall, jaehyun squirming underneath him and grabbing his ass.

yet, they’ve never gone past second base. shirts off, hands roaming, yuta straining against his jeans - all fine; but as soon as yuta’s hand gets anywhere near jaehyun’s crotch it’s game over.

jaehyun always heads home to shower after the gym. never uses the urinals in the mens’ room. always wears baggy trunks at the pool.

clearly something is off.

yuta is a caring friend who wants to help his bros out with their problems when he can. he’s also morbidly curious and too nosy for his own good. either way, of course he has to bring it up.

he chooses a casual, neutral situation for it, just the two of them sitting around in yuta’s living room. _hey, i’ve noticed you avoid every situation involving having to take off your pants around other people. is there a reason for this?_

jaehyun tenses, whole body going rigid. at first he stoutly denies having any such tendency, or there being any particular reason behind it. _i’m just not a fucking exhibitionist like you, hyung. a guy is entitled to some privacy._ but the way his ears turn a bright shade of red tells a different story.

“come on,” yuta coaxes. “you can tell me, i won’t judge.” he tilts his head, watching jaehyun’s profile. “do you have a crooked dick? some weird birthmark? warts? an extra lump in your sack? whatever it is, there’s probably some way to fix it.”

“okay,” jaehyun blurts finally, after yuta has pestered him about it for a couple of weeks. “i’ll tell you, but then i don’t want to hear anymore about it. and you can’t tell anyone else.”

“of course,” yuta says, already envisioning doyoung’s reaction when he hears the juicy tea. 

“i’m serious,” jaehyun says, looking at yuta hard. “if you say anything about this to anyone, i’ll never forgive you.”

yuta frowns. “jeez, is it that serious?”

“it kind of is.”

“alright. fine. i won’t spill.”

jaehyun looks down, mouth working as if he has something bitter in there. he takes a good minute to work up the guts, and then says, voice low and unsteady; “i have a small dick. okay?”

yuta stares at him. “that’s it?”

jaehyun groans. “not like that. i mean, tiny. i’m talking clinically diagnosed micropenis. i got growth hormones and shit for it when i was a kid but it didn’t help much. there’s nothing they can do.”

“oh,” yuta says carefully.

“i’ve never told anyone about this.” jaehyun crosses his arms over his chest. “are you happy now?”

yuta bites on his lip. he avoids looking down, glancing at jaehyun’s crotch as if he could turn on x-ray vision. “that’s rough.”

“yeah,” jaehyun says. “it sucks.”

“but it’s… functional and all, right? like, you can get off?”

jaehyun shrugs stiffly. “sure, it works.”

yuta clears his throat. “can i see it?”

jaehyun glares at him. “no, you fucking can’t.”

“could you…” yuta holds up his hand, measuring a couple inches between his thumb and pointer. “like, just give me an idea of…?”

jaehyun whacks him with a pillow.

it takes some time for yuta to fully grasp the extent of jaehyun’s problem. how much it has shaped his self image. how much it dictates his life. how he has never dared to be intimate with a girl, how he can’t see himself ever dating or getting married. 

“maybe that’s why i just fool around with you instead,” he says one time, blush settled deep on his cheeks. “it’s easier, somehow, with another guy… because it’ll never lead anywhere.”

yuta decides to put a pin in that discussion, in favor of the more urgent issue.

“your dick isn’t all there is to you,” yuta argues. “a small dong doesn’t make you any less of a man.”

jaehyun snorts. “thanks for the platitudes, hyung, but i’ve heard it all before - from my doctors, my parents, counsellors. you name it. _you’ll find a girl who loves you for who you are,_ yada yada.”

“well, isn’t it true? not all women are shallow like that. sex isn’t everything.”

jaehyun shakes his head. “i’m a freak. even if i tell her beforehand, prepare her… what if she laughs when i take my pants off? that’ll set the mood.” he fingers a spot on his knee. “even if she says she’s okay with it, i’d be worried she’d leave me for someone else... someone who could give it to her properly.”

yuta purses his lips. “let me see it,” he asks again. ”maybe it’s not as bad as you think? you can show me, another guy, to get an objective second opinion.”

eventually, jaehyun agrees. he needs some time to work up to this as well, obsessively double-checking that the door is locked. takes a deep breath before he fumbles his belt open and drops his pants. yuta pinches his lips together, trying very hard to control his reaction.

a tiny nub pokes out from the bush of jaehyun’s pubes. a small, scrunched-up ballsack sits underneath. yuta swallows. studies it in a way that he hopes is casual but respectful. tilts his head left, and then right. as if the angle would make much of a difference.

“it’s,” he tries. “it’s not that small…”

“fuck off,” jaehyun says, making to pull his pants up again.

“no, wait!” yuta takes a step forward, grabbing his arm. “i’m sorry. yes, it’s small. it’s tiny. but…”

“but what?”

it’s kind of cute, squinting up at yuta from it’s collar of foreskin. but cute is the last thing any dude wants to hear about his dick.

“at least it’s a dick,” yuta tries. “it could be worse. it could be misshapen… or you might have been born with nothing at all. it happens.”

jaehyun snorts. “always an optimist, huh?”

yuta sinks down to his haunches, slowly, like so not to startle a wild animal. jaehyun tenses but doesn’t pull back. yuta watches the nub at eye-level, some meter of distance between them.

“are you a grower, at all?”

“i gain some girth, but not much length.” jaehyun’s fingers fiddle with the fabric of his boxers, sitting around his thighs. “are you done?”

yuta stands up again. jaehyun pulls his pants back up and takes a seat on his computer chair.

he tries not to look at jaehyun differently, now that he has actually seen it. he already knew about it, it shouldn’t make a difference. but it is different, having seen it for yourself.

“so?” jaehyun says nonchalantly. “aren’t you gonna tell me it’s _not that bad_?”

yuta clears his throat. “look, i get it.” he sits down on jaehyun’s bed. “but it’s not like your life is ruined because of this. you can’t let it hold you back.”

“oh, i can’t?” jaehyun says dryly.

“the whole big dick ideal is blown out of proportion anyway.” yuta waves a hand around. “many women can’t even take big dicks. it hurts if you’re tight.” (or so he has heard.)

jaehyun laughs hollowly. “i’ve got two inches on a good day. i’m not even sure it’s long enough to go _in._ ”

yuta manages to not laugh. “penetration isn’t everything. you can get really good at oral or something instead.” he sniffs. “i bet you could even find girls who are into that kind of thing. there are sites and shit for it.”

jaehyun rolls his eyes. “i don’t want to be someone’s kink.” he sinks down in the chair, tipping his head back against the head-rest. “i don’t know why i agreed to tell you in the first place. i knew you wouldn’t get it.”

yuta groans. he can only take so much of jaehyun’s penile woe-is-me. “will you ever quit the pity party?” he barks. “do you really think this makes you completely unattractive? do you have any idea how many guys would want to look like you, be like you, have what you have?”

“what does it matter?” jaehyun splays his hands. “if i can’t perform one of the basic functions of a man?”

“you’re smart, funny, hot.” yuta licks his lips. he ignores an urge to shut up. “gorgeous. but this is a dealbreaker? because you have a small dick, nobody will ever love you?”

jaehyun blinks at him, but quickly recovers. “maybe someone could love me, but it would be _despite_ this shit. i mean,” he gestures down to his crotch, “who would want this?”

yuta swallows. he wants to pull jaehyun close, kiss him - anything to take that miserable look off his face. but it’s probably not the right time. “i would.”

jaehyun raises a brow. “you?”

“why are you surprised? i spent months trying to get into your pants.”

“that was before… before you knew.”

yuta shrugs. “i’m telling you, it’s not a problem. i’m still up for it.”

jaehyun chews on his lip. his ears are getting pink again.

“if i do it,” yuta says. “if i suck you off or something. would that prove it to you? that it’s not as big a deal as you think.”

jaehyun seems to consider it, but just for a moment. he sighs, looking away. “it doesn’t work like that."

yuta tries again next time they’re fooling around. sliding hands over jaehyun’s hips, letting his fingertips come to rest on his belt buckle, knuckles against the trail of soft dark hairs on his lower belly.

“let me,” he mumbles gently. “i want to.”

jaehyun snorts. “you’re that thirsty for my dick, huh?” there’s an edge in his voice, but yuta suspects he’s too horny to get annoyed.

yuta grins. “maybe i am.”

he sees jaehyun swallow, hesitate. “it’s gross.”

“not to me.”

but jaehyun shakes his head, and yuta doesn’t push it.

the next time, though, jaehyun does get annoyed.

“i’m like a rare bird,” he says. “something you just want to experience? something to add to your list? a story to tell?”

yuta pulls away. “no.”

“ _once i hooked up with this guy who had a tiny pecker…_ ”

“that’s not…”

“i know you,” jaehyun says. “i’ve heard the way you talk. why should i trust you?”

yuta frowns. “fine,” he spits. he finds his shirt and pulls it on. “go fuck yourself, then.”

he decides to give up on it at that point. he’s quite tired of talking about jaehyun’s dick, to be very honest, and if jaehyun’s not interested in getting over his issues, there’s not much yuta can do. you can lead a horse to water, etcetera.

but then, one late evening, jaehyun calls him, out of the blue.

“were you serious?” he asks, voice small over the line. “that time?”

of course, yuta has a hunch, but he’s not interested in taking chances. “about what?”

jaehyun clears his throat. “wanting to... suck me off... and stuff.”

yuta’s heart skips a little beat. “yeah.”

“i see,” jaehyun says.

yuta licks his lips. “have you changed your mind?” he asks. “you up for it?”

a moment of silence, painfully long. “maybe i am.”

"cool," yuta says, voice suddenly hoarse.

“but,” jaehyun says. “i need some… time. i need you to be patient.”

“okay,” yuta says. “i can do that.”

“alright.”

"you know," yuta adds, "i haven't told anyone about your… condition." 

"i know," jaehyun says. “i figured.”

it does, indeed, take time. weeks for them to reach pants unzipped, hands inside pants, and eventually pants coming off. more weeks before yuta is allowed to touch jaehyun over his boxers. the tent he pitches is truly tiny, but it still makes yuta’s mouth water at the thought of what’s hidden underneath. 

however, things are also progressing in other ways, such as jaehyun having started giving handjobs, so yuta can’t complain.

it takes all his willpower not to smirk or snigger when jaehyun (for the third time) jizzes into his pants, sensitive virgin dick rubbing against his underwear, producing a wet blotch on the fabric. 

“i can do it for you, you know,” he says when jaehyun has finished gasping against his lips. “return the favor.”

“shut up,” jaehyun grunts.

jaehyun is a delicate flower; needs to be handled with care. he reminds yuta of his high school girlfriends who would giggle and blush, holding off for months before letting him as much as finger them. he wasn’t expecting to still be playing the waiting game at 24 - and technically he could go out to some club and find a willing participant for a quick and easy fuck - but there’s something about being with jaehyun that feels... worth it.

“you don’t have to do this, you know,” jaehyun reminds him.

“i know.” yuta snuggles closer to him, stretched out together on jaehyun’s bed, hooking his chin at jaehyun’s shoulder with a sickly-sweet grin. “but i want to.”

jaehyun glances down at him and snorts. “dude, your dedication,” he says. “it’s almost like you’re in love with me or something.”

yuta blinks. swallows. jaehyun freezes, like he just realized what came out of his mouth. yuta rolls away from him, putting some space between them. jaehyun scratches his head.

“i better change,” he mumbles, and leaves.

he has a tendency to ruin the mood. like when he’s straddling yuta’s thighs, looking fine as fuck with his shirt off, eyes down, watching yuta’s dick as he strokes it, and says; “you have no idea what i’d do to have this.”

yuta stops moaning and frowns up at him. “is that what you’re thinking about right now? seriously?” 

jaehyun looks honestly confused. “what?”

yuta’s lips pinch together. “look, i know you’re going through shit and all. but maybe consider my feelings as well once in a while?”

“your feelings?”

yuta sighs. he pushes jaehyun aside, worming out from under him while pulling up his pants. 

jaehyun calls after him; “what did i do?”

(yet he comes back, over and over.)

“you wanna… watch?” jaehyun asks one night. chewing on his lip, cheeks flushed, fingers fiddling.

“watch what?”

“when i jerk off.”

“oh. well, yeah.” yuta bites down on his grin. “hell yeah.”

jaehyun on his desk chair, pants around his ankles, shirt on the floor. it’s a view, alright.

his dick doesn’t look much different erect. a little thicker, barely longer, like jaehyun said. but it still feels different. jaehyun sitting naked in front of him, _presenting_ himself, shy grin passing over his face when his eyes meet yuta’s.

“you stud,” yuta says. “you manly man.” a stupid joke, hoping to make jaehyun laugh, make him relax.

but jaehyun’s face tightens. “shut up,” he mumbles, with a sore edge in his voice that he doesn’t manage to hide.

and yuta realizes how much this takes for jaehyun. feeling vulnerable, exposed. even if yuta thinks it’s silly, the problem is real in jaehyun’s head. he genuinely considers himself weird, gross, a freakshow. how long has he been thinking about offering this, working up the courage? 

“sorry,” yuta says. “go ahead.”

he sits back, hands in his lap, and doesn’t talk. this is not about him, after all. it’s about jaehyun. yuta is just here to serve as audience. a tool; a means to an end. technically, anyone would do.

jaehyun manages to get over his nerves and get into it. although, it’s not so much _jerking_ as pinching; thumb and pointer working his foreskin over the head in small, quick movements. he keeps his face down, breath growing heavier.

yuta’s dick twitches in his pants. he pictures himself getting up, sliding to his knees in front of jaehyun, stroking his thighs, looking up at him in the light from the desk lamp. but that’s not part of the deal. 

he could touch himself; unzip and join in. but maybe jaehyun would get self-conscious if he took his dick out. yuta plays his part, takes what he gets. watches jaehyun’s face, the hand skimming over his chest, the swollen nub between his fingers. 

yuta wonders what it will feel like, when he finally gets to do it. 

jaehyun's boner is roughly the size of a stubby thumb. would it feel like sucking on your thumb? except instead of a hard nail and wrinkled joint; smooth, full. head thick against his tongue. warm and pulsing. 

closing his lips around it would make jaehyun whine or hiss, unaccustomed to any such sensation. 

after a minute of light licking to let him get used to it, he would take jaehyun fully in his mouth. it wouldn't be very difficult, of course. he'd already be nose-deep in jaehyun’s pubes, smelling his musk. 

jaehyun probably won't last long, being so inexperienced. yuta would have to be careful if he wants to stall it. teasing kisses to his balls, to his thighs, making jaehyun squirm beneath him. he would listen to jaehyun's sounds, his breathing, look up now and then to see his face. 

would his load be small as well? not that it matters. yuta would let him come in his mouth, if he wants to. will lick the cream off his lips and swallow it, just to see jaehyun's expression. 

when the time comes… when jaehyun is ready. 

yuta can be patient. 

yuta notices a gradual change in jaehyun's general behavior. he seems more at ease with himself, more confident. he joins yuta in the shower once, seemingly unbothered by their casual nudity, by the comparison. he can even joke about it sometimes, such as saying he has _big dick energy._

yuta snorts. “you quite literally don’t, though.”

jaehyun sniffs. “it’s the dick in your heart that counts.”

then yuta starts seeing less of him. they don’t fool around as often anymore. 

"who are you talking to?" yuta asks, annoyed despite himself, when jaehyun grins at the text that just beeped into his pocket. "you barely take your eyes off your phone these days."

"oh?" jaehyun looks up, blinking, as if he just remembered yuta is there. “it’s nothing.”

“come on, tell me.”

jaehyun laughs, holding his phone out of reach when yuta playfully paws for it. “it’s none of your business.”

then, one day, it comes. 

yuta takes the liberty of draping himself over jaehyun’s back, arms hanging limp around his neck. “i miss you,” he whines, adopting an obnoxious high-pitched tone that makes even himself cringe. (if you say it like a joke you can pretend it’s not true.) “you don’t pick up my calls, you’re always busy. what are you doing that’s more important than me?”

“oh, you know…” jaehyun says airily. “school, work… it’s been a lot.”

yuta rests his lips at jaehyun’s nape, right over the collar of his t-shirt. he’ll take what he can get for as long as jaehyun allows it.

“you’re stressed?” he murmurs, making sure that his breath hits jaehyun’s ear. “i can help you relax. take your mind off things…” his lets his hand begin to wander over jaehyun’s chest, but jaehyun stops him.

"look, hyung," he says, shrugging yuta off so he can turns around. "i've been meaning to tell you…" 

yuta already knows what’s about to happen. something sinks inside of him, like dropping in slow motion.

“i’ve met someone. she’s… she’s great. i really like her. we’ve been seeing each other for a while, and it’s getting serious. so, you know…” he trails off.

if yuta wanted to be mean, he could. if he wanted to hurt jaehyun’s feelings and make him doubt himself, he could, because he knows all about jaehyun’s sore spots. _have you fucked her yet? could she feel anything?_

maybe he could even make jaehyun break up with her.

“have you…” he starts. “told her about your, um, situation?”

jaehyun shakes his head. “not yet. but i’m going to.” he smiles, a shy little grin, but yuta can see the determination on his face. he’s practically glowing.

yuta clears his throat. it feels like sandpaper. “that’s great, man.” he says. “i’m happy for you.”

jaehyun laughs. “it’s all thanks to you.”

yuta blinks. “me?”

“yeah, i mean, everything you’ve done for me… you really stuck with it. you didn’t give up on me. if it wasn’t for you, i’d probably still be holed up in my room, feeling sorry for myself.”

“oh… right.”

“i really mean it.” he puts a hand on yuta’s shoulder, looks into his eyes. sincerity, gratitude. “thank you, hyung.”

yuta forces his face into a smile. “no problem, dude.”


End file.
